When my most recent friend got engaged, I asked if she had a number.
"A number?" she asked. "Like how many times we dated?" she asked.
"No, what number this guy was," I responded.
I know, this doesn't sound unlike the secular question, "How many partners were you with before me?" Who knows if they keep count either.
My friend said she had no idea.
Another friend told me she can count to 15, but otherwise, her siblings have to help her, and even then she doesn't know how many.
Me? I sat down and wrote a list a coupla months ago. Cuz I knew I'd forget otherwise. Thought I had a number, then my brother mentioned someone I completely forgot about. No, I won't tell you what it is. None of your gosh darn business.
I don't know why, but G-d willing when I get engaged, I'd like to know (roughly) what number the guy is.
I'm curious- Do you keep track of people you've dated? Why or why not?
Yes, I Do It For Shidduchim (NOT!)
When my mother was giving some of her friends a ride and I was in the car as well, I understood my duty as the "child" in the situation was to sit in the middle seat in the back.
When one woman asked me if I'd like to move over, I explained that I sat in the middle intentionally. She thanked me, and said sincerely how respectful that was.
While it could have stopped there, another woman in the car felt the need to elaborate. From the front seat, she turned around to declare that "Wow, Michelle is so respectful! Oooh, should we put star on your chart
so if anybody calls me for information about you, I can tell them how respectful
First of all, I'd better hope you have more important, and nicer, things to say about me than the fact that I sat in the middle of the seat for 7-minute car ride. (No, we were not overloaded. One woman in the passenger seat, and three of us in the back.)
Second, um, I'm not five.
(Honestly, if she did
tell that story, I think it'd have a bad effect. If that's all she got, we're in trouble.)
When I did another small favor for someone a few weeks prior, she also mentioned that it would be added to her "Giving information about Michelle" repertoire.
The idea behind these two scenarios is that apparently nobody can do anything because they feel it's right anymore.
Not that they appear on my "reference" list necessarily, but since they're in the community, there's always the possibility that they'll get a call asking about me.
Some friends have received comments of a similar nature. Thankfully, not from me.
I have proudly given information about my friends, and, yes, I am sure to mention little anecdotes that feature their wonderful middos and inspiring spirituality. Never will I tell them, "Well, great, now that you did this for me, I can tell all the women who call about you just how blah blah you are!!" Because they're not five. And I know that they did what they did for me, (or someone else) because it was what THEY felt was right, not because they knew I'd repeat it.
WHY DO THESE PEOPLE THINK WE DO THINGS TO BE TALKED ABOUT AND NOT BECAUSE WE THINK THEY'RE THE RIGHT THING TO DO?
Don't get me wrong; It definitely doesn't hurt to tell someone inquiring about a young woman an act of chessed that she has done. But to assume that the only reason we do things is so that people will tell stories about us in the way of Shidduchim? Please.
One thing I DID do for the sake of Shidduchim, though: I kept my mouth shut for once.