Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Keeping Track

When my most recent friend got engaged, I asked if she had a number.
"A number?" she asked. "Like how many times we dated?" she asked.

"No, what number this guy was," I responded.

I know, this doesn't sound unlike the secular question, "How many partners were you with before me?" Who knows if they keep count either.

My friend said she had no idea.

Another friend told me she can count to 15, but otherwise, her siblings have to help her, and even then she doesn't know how many.

Me? I sat down and wrote a list a coupla months ago. Cuz I knew I'd forget otherwise. Thought I had a number, then my brother mentioned someone I completely forgot about. No, I won't tell you what it is. None of your gosh darn business.

I don't know why, but G-d willing when I get engaged, I'd like to know (roughly) what number the guy is.

I'm curious- Do you keep track of people you've dated? Why or why not?

22 Comments:

At 10/29/2008 8:56 PM, Blogger Don't give up hope! said...

Of what use is it,it will just take up storgae in you head.
And if it's not the right one .. Then you move on...In my humble opinion.

 
At 10/30/2008 5:49 AM, Anonymous Jessica said...

I've kept track of all the guys I've dated simply because I married the first guy I ever dated... so, it's pretty easy to remember. I'd have to agree with Don't Give Up Hope! though... they weren't the ones for you, why bother remembering how many of them there were?

 
At 10/30/2008 6:08 AM, Blogger Jacob Da Jew said...

My wife kept a notebook with names and a word or two describing the guy. She did this because sometimes she would dated a guy and then someone else might recommend them!

E.G. Kolodny: Fat Chassidish Guy.

I kid you not.

Personally, I did not date that many girls so it wasn't a big deal.

 
At 10/30/2008 7:02 AM, Blogger G said...

Not once I got past 9...I figured once through the line-up was enough.

--seriously...why yeah?

 
At 10/30/2008 8:12 AM, Anonymous big bro #2 said...

The problem is whom to count. For instance, say you met someone in college and hung out a couple of times to see if anything was there. Does that count?

Does it count only if it's an official shidduch?

Gets complicated.

 
At 10/30/2008 11:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with you, Michelle. I don't know why, but I keep a list on the bottom of my desk drawer of all the guys I've gone out with. And I get into one of my moods when I have to start another column...

I totally agree with your comparrison of this kind of list to the secular "partners" list. I know it's unwarrented, but as the number gets higher, I feel more shameful.

 
At 10/30/2008 12:45 PM, Blogger halfshared said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 10/30/2008 12:53 PM, Blogger Kaila said...

i know cause i only dated a few guys.

i know someone who has dated over a hundred and keeps a list so he doesn't date someone twice.

 
At 10/30/2008 4:58 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

I think B4s might have discussed keeping list of your former classmates.
At this point, it's easier to know which few are still single.
Married names? Where they live? How many kids? Couldn't give less of a damn. Don't know where half my grade lives, altho, I'd venture to say Lakewood.

But my good friends, obviously, I care about, know the kids' names, and birthdays, and all that.

 
At 10/31/2008 10:10 AM, Blogger The Babysitter said...

I would say it depends on your personality. Some people are the type to save all their school work from elementary school till the end, while some won't. The ones who are savers will keep track for sentimental value. The ones who look at it as just a name that didn't work out they won't keep track.

But I agree with Big Brother #2, it can get complicated on what's counted. I would say even if it's just someone from college that wasn't redt from a shadchan then it's still counted.

 
At 11/01/2008 9:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do I keep track, good one Michelle.. My husband is 113. You had to remind me, only about 12 of them were even worth the time dating. I wasted the best years of my life running around with every loser in BP and Flatbush. Finally got married when I was 33.

There should be a data-base of all bochurim, that includes, are they disburbed, do they mental health issues, are they on meds, etc... Not to mention all the normal guys that are just jerks...

 
At 11/03/2008 12:36 AM, Anonymous Meir B said...

I guess I have a rough idea of how many I've dated, but I don't see the value in knowing the exact number. In a certain sense, I'd rather not know.

 
At 11/03/2008 6:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like I'm the only one with an Excel spreadsheet tracking all the info, with summary stats.

 
At 11/05/2008 9:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i wrote down in a notebook names, when we went out, how many times and where we went. i think its something fun to look back at

 
At 11/06/2008 1:52 PM, Blogger EsPes said...

i keep a list of all the guys. i write their name, where theyre from, the dates of our dates, who was the shadchan, and if he said no or why i said no.
i just think it will be fun to look at later in life.

 
At 11/08/2008 4:59 PM, Anonymous Chanie said...

I'm always surprised to hear that people could lose count, since I guess that means they've dated a lot. I'm very happy to say that I've only dated 5 guys in two years and that's considered normal in my community. I guess it's because we do more research beforehand and don't generally date "just to see".

Yes, I definitely keep count and will not forget any of the guys I've dated.

 
At 11/09/2008 4:10 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

I don't keep track of who set me up, or where we went, or even how many times we dated, just names and what number they are.
I don't even remember the sequence.

 
At 11/20/2008 6:45 AM, Anonymous Bad4shidduchim said...

I do. I don't know why - maybe because people ask, or out of my own curiosity. It's a small legal paper with a number and a brief description of the guy and the number of dates we went on and where, but not his name.

 
At 11/24/2008 11:45 AM, Blogger Yehuda said...

I've lost count.

I used to be able to rattle off everyone I went out with. But then i took several months off because of finals/bar exam/ didn't have a job yet, and I forgot everything.

 
At 11/26/2008 8:09 AM, OpenID jewandme said...

I've never been on a shidduch date, and I guess my dating history would be considered "secular dating," but I happen to know exactly how many women I've dated... although there haven't been very many.

 
At 12/02/2008 8:40 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Bad4 - no names? Why not?!

Most of the time, I don't remember who set me up or where we went. I just remember that we went out. Sometimes I can't even remember what season it was.

 
At 12/14/2008 11:39 AM, OpenID badforshidduchim said...

Because who cares what their names were? It's the dates I want to remember. Also, it seems a bit crude to have a list of names in my drawer, I guess.

 

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