Is IMHJO Dead?
In a sense, yes. I don't plan to delete it anytime soon, but I don't feel as strongly about it as I did a few years back. (Obviously)
A recent date made me realize something about this blog; it also became apparent during my short engagement.
This blog no longer personifies me. Thankfully, I've progressed so much in the years since I've started the blog, I sometimes don't recognize myself. Or, I just read it and laugh.
The sight of two Lexuses in a driveway no longer gets my blood boiling. Don't get me wrong. I still stand for the same things: Materialism sucks, people who make Chillulei Hashem are idiots, double parkers are selfish twits, be honest with yourself and others...cheating is wrong.
My principles really haven't changed. I still agree with many things I've written.
But so many people and experiences have taught me that things aren't always as they seem. People aren't so black and white. What appeared to be a hyprocrite to me then has become someone who is confused and doesn't know where to turn.
Just because someone's chosen to improve in one area and blatantly does something else wrong doesn't make him evil or stupid.
I see things differently now. I still get upset when mansion owners escape for Purim, or five-year-old girls are overheard discussing their Juicy wardrobe. But I've learned that yelling and screaming about it on a stupid blog won't make a difference. Talking to these people won't make a difference. In a sense, I learned that my blog was "Aimed At No One." You either agreed with it, or you didn't.
I hope it was always apparent that even opposing opinions are welcome, since I enjoy seeing how other people's minds work, and I can learn something new.
Sure, I have a lot to say (ahem, complain about), but perhaps not as much a need to say it. This date sounded familiar...like the young man I had been engaged to....and much of this blog...the old me
. I realized that the old me isn't me anymore.
Perhaps I'll begin a new blog (even though they're kinda done in general)...and y'all will be the first ones to know about it. Don't take me out of your bookmarks just yet. Inspiration might just strike one day, and I want you all to be there to see it.
Sorry To Disappoint, But..
The engagement was short-lived.
There is a possibility in the near future that I'll delete the posts that refer to my engagement, because they're kinda painful and embarrassing to look at.
For now, I'll leave them up, because they're part of my journey through life.
Please don't ask questions about "why," "what happened," or "who broke it off?" These are tactless and nosy. Certainly not for a public forum such as this one (all six of you who haven't forgotten about my blog).
Anyway, my wish is that our community know no more tza'ar, whether it's physical, emotional, or spiritual.
May we only share in simchas together in the future! :)
So Bad4 e-mailed me in late May, explaining that blog reader had mentioned a guy for me.
I replied that I was busy.
The next e-mail in that thread was a month later. Late June. Just wanted to get that out of the way. (That was when I told her that the whole internetness of it all weirded me out, but I wasn't taking it off the table.)
Anyway, Mysterious Stranger, being the fine gentleman that he is, didn't want to contact me directly. He understood that it would creep me out. Smart man.
So everything he wrote, Bad4 simply clicked "forward" and directed my way. He gave me the spiel I've heard a million times. "He's such a nice guy..." Didn't want to believe it.
So I kinda gave them the run-around. When I was busy, I told them so. Otherwise I hemmed and hawed. I realized that the guys I dated within those months were no different than any other I had dated, and what have I got to lose?
Finally, after Mysterious Stranger volunteered his phone number, (he wouldn't ask me for mine), and Bad4 told me I was a jerk, I figured I'd call Mysterious Stranger.
MS was beyond a mensch. I didn't think it was possible. A mensch? From the internet? He described his friend, but like I said, how many guys are described as "soo nice" and end up being jerks? One need not look further than my own dating record.
What impressed me, though, was MS himself. A really really nice, honest, fine young man. I figured a guy like this must keep good friends. Based on my conversation with MS, (and being called a jerk by Bad4,) I decided to give it a shot.
The guy on the other side of this, by the way, needed his fair share of arm-twisting himself, which MS apparently didn't tell Bad4.
He heard I was from Brooklyn, and was ready to eliminate me right then and there. Little did he know that only earned him some points on my book...
The Rumors Are True
Now, since my favorite fellow blogger BadForShidduchim so kindly linked to me, I feel like I should update my blog a little.
Because nobody's really thinking about the people in Deal anymore.
As I wrote in the comments of her blog, I bli neder plan to contribute a "Michelle's Take," which will also be available for all your eyes on this blog...
But in the meantime, I want to thank Mysterious Stranger and Bad4 for being persistent, but not annoying.
So much to say....later, y'all!
Don't Cry Anti-Semitism
Last Thursday presented a terrible chillul Hashem. A number of Orthodox Jews, as well as rabbis, in the Hasidic and Sephardic communities were arrested in N.J. on money laundering to the tune of $3 million.
There were a number of scandals involved, including the illegal sale of kidneys, reportedly buying them for $10,000 and selling them for $160,000.
New Jersey lawmakers were also charged for accepting bribes.
The sad part is that none of this shocked me.
It was embarrassing to watch footage of frum people hiding their faces in their hats, peyos neatly tucked behind their ears, etc.
I have a feeling that Rabbi Kassin was a victim of other people's greed, and was uninformed about the illegal activity.
People have been crying anti-Semitism. That Obama is behind this. What a load. First of all, the investigation began when Bush was in office. Second, these people were arrested because they allegedly did something wrong. Not because they are Jewish. Part II
"What about Pidyon Shvuyim?" People ask.
My question is whether it is relavent for people who have so greviously violated halacha as well as American law.
These people are imprisoned for a reason.
The very same Torah that tells us that we must redeem prisoners also
tells us not to steal, not to trick people, and to follow the laws of the land (all of which they have allegedly violated).
I understand that "two wrongs don't make a right." Just because they violated the Torah, it doesn't mean that we have to by not redeeming them.
But when the concept of Pidyon Shvuyim originated, I doubt that this was an example of a case in which we should do whatever's in our power to release prisoners.
I would say Gilad Shalit is a much more relavent example.
Keep Your Eyes Peeled
I've been asked a buncha times why I haven't updated my blog.
In fact, I have a draft about why I haven't.
Maybe I'll post that one day.
In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for my next post ... soon IY"H!
Big Bro #2 and I were talking on Shabbos when he mentioned a conversation that took place in shul. "During davening? I never talk in shul," I said, perhaps expressing disbelief in the fact that my very own big bro would have the audacity to talk in shul.
"Well, if you were there every day, you would be talking, too," he replied. This exchange reminded me of a conversation I'd had with some friends a while back, regarding expectations when it comes to husbands.
While they thought missing minyan once in a while was inexcusable, I wanted to agree with them whole-heartedly, but I found it difficult. They even backed it up with anecdotal evidence of guys who will do all but put their lives on the line to attend a minyan.
Granted, davening with a minyan is not my mitzvah. So perhaps it could be easy to demand that of someone else.
mitzvah, they better be darn sure to make their way to shul every day, three times a day!" One friend said. I repeat. I wanted to agree with her.
But I thought about it honestly. If it were my
mitzvah, would I be there on time every day knowing that I have to be at work at 9? Would I jump out of my office on a rainy day to run into another building for a minyan in Manhattan? Or would I just daven b'yechidus?
If I were there three times a day every day since age 13, would I treat it with the same reverence I do the few times I go to shul annually? Can I guarantee that I wouldn't consider shul a drudgery at a certain point? Nobody knows for sure.
If that's the case, do I have a right to demand more from a potential spouse?