I Was Right All Along...
I don't know how many of you read the Jewish Press, but for those of who you do not, I would like to make you aware of last week's letter to Reb Jungreis.In short, it was about a woman who never went away for Pesach, but under circumstances, she had to, and she was appalled by what she saw. The chillul Hashem started on the plane when the parents did not take care of their children.
She observed a 9-year-old girl watching her little brother who was crying for his mother. When she told her mother, "Ma, he wants you," She simply replied, "Well, I don't want him."
Then there was the couple with the little baby who needed a diaper change and argued about it until the other passengers caught wind of it (hehe..a little pun) and the husband was guilted into changing his kid. What has the world come to??
I have been saying this for years. This lady, unfortunately, does not stand alone. There are many out there like her. They have kids because they have to, but don't want anything to do with them. Except when it comes to dressing them and showing them off. Yuck.
Furthermore, this woman reported that the conditions at the hotel were even worse. Parents left their children with the counselors all day and wanted nothing to do with them. There are day camps in the summer that are like this too. The parents will do anything to get rid of their kids. I know raising children is difficult, and everyone deserves a break, but it must be done properly.
Basically, what I am trying to say is that for those poeple who are upset about what I said about parents not wanting their children-here it is in black and white from the Jewish Press.
I mean, people wonder why the goyim think the way they do of us...here it is. I know this thing happens in the goyish world, but they hold us to a higher standard. Like we hold the yeshivish to a higher standard and expect better from them, and blah blah.
posted by Michelle @ 7:54 PM
10 Comments:
reading this type of stuff really made me angry. I cant believe that there are people out there who dont want their kids.
Kids are a gift from G-d. Mindy i agree with you. For those who dont want their kids, there are people out there who would adopt them.
Yonne
You guys are so right. It's so sad that these people take their children for granted. People spend tens of thousands of dollars for fertility treatments, and sometimes are met with disappointment. How could people even intimate that they don't want their children? Every child is a blessing, not just some doll to dress up. Children are not burdens. Responsibility-yes, but not a burden!!
I often wonder why this happens. like why a jewish parent would not 'want' their kid. One of the principles of judaism is mercy. In the above episode, that mother should have at least had mercy upon her child. One wonders how the child will grow up if his mom keeps acting like that. Its disgusting
I'm not pretending to have all the answers and you guys are welcome to disagree with me (no personal attacks please :). I have a small theory.
maybe its because people have children for the wrong reason. Perhaps they have children because they're 'expected to' but they dont really want to. like they do exist some places where everyone has big families and some feel the pressure to follow suit. Or perhaps maybe they're families expect them to have children. But they resent their kids afterwards and feel 'trapped.' Its quite sad actually when you think about it. I mean instead of saying I want G-d to bless me with a son/daughter who i can cherish, they are having children for the wrong reasons.
What do you guys think?
Yonne
Right on Lost99. People should should get married b/c they want to not to make other people happy. Children who are ignored by their parents or even think that their parents ignore them and dont love them, are more likely to have problems later in life. i'm a psych student and i have read research showing a strong link between bad parenting and 'bad kids.'
Michelle this is a great blog. Top class!!!! I have been going back to read ure other posts. Is it worth it for me to comment on them? I mean will they be read?
Yonne
What you all are saying is so right. The only thing I fear is that if these selfish people waited till they were ready, there would be too few Jewish children around.
Obviously, in the jewish world, it's not like there are "planned" pregnancies. Whatever happens, happens.
I don't think these people ever stop to think. About anything.
I always knew Chinuch is hard, but after many discussions in Seminary, I realize, as hard as I always imagined it, it's twice as hard. (I wasn't THAT naive, otherwise, I'd say 10 times..)
I think everything you guys have been saying is right on the money. And, as Yonne said, which is major-children need love. Adults also need love, but it is so unbelievably imperative that your children know you love them. These children in the article must feel like they are a burden on their mother. Sure, maybe she treats them differently in less stressful situations, but what is this teaching the big sister? How does the 2-year-old (who's a lot smarter than people think) feel about being rejected by his own mother???
PS Thanks for the compliments..and I have all comments on all pieces emailed to me as soon as you guys write them and I read them all! I get so excited!!! So please, feel free to comment on anything. If you want a personal response, u can put up an email address and I can email it back to you. Thanks agin.
After finals, I have 3 new things to rant about! hold tight!
chassidishization of the litvish - many people feel it's important to have kids because of what the sforim say about bringing an extra neshoma in the world, or "pru u'rvu" - one nut even told me the whole point of getting married is to have kids.
But imhjo, having kids then neglecting them like those people is probably a mitzvah habo'oh b'aveira.
Ira-I agree.
BTW, people, I have tried repeatedly to post new pieces, but I keep receiving error messages. I will try to get this up and running ASAP. Thanks for your support.
Ever hear of postpartum depression? It's a real thing. And it could happen within the first couple of years after the baby is born. Maybe you can judge some of these people favorably with that excuse.
Michelle,
How about compulsory parenting classes during chosson and kallah classes? I think I posted a similar idea a while back.
TRK
I know exactly how you feel! I had kids in my class who's parents are constantly on vacation, but usually they leave the kids with the grandparents. I was incensed when one of my (5 year old) kids told me that her parents are going to Florida for 10 days & they're leaving her with the housekeeper & a babysitter. And then she tells me that she hates the babysitter. The situation is really scary. Quite honestly, maybe I'm a little biased-I have a large family & my parents have never gone away on vacation. The most we ever had was a cleaning lady for a few hours every Friday. I can understand if parents need to get away once in a while(I can handle once a year for a few days), but I had a really had a hard time with this one-last year 1 of my 4 year old students told me that her mommy went to Florida with her friends! I said, "huh?" I never knew that mommies go on vacation with their friends. Is that a normal thing? Maybe it's just me who's crazy.
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