Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Always the Same Girls...

Okay, I had this whole long megilla of a post done, and then somehow it got deleted. Argh.
Anyway, my point is that I was never chosen for anything in school.

I remember the class presidential elections of 2nd grade. I probably nominated myself, because I have no clue how I got up there in the first place. Anyway, the way we voted was that we'd all put out heads down. The teacher would announce the name of thr girl, and everyone who wanted to vote for her raised her hand. Of course, I peeked at my turn. I got one vote. Just one.
Later on the year, somehow I was elected. I think she paid them off somehow.
After that, I was ignored. Besides the fact that for some reason I was the teacher's pet the years after that. I guess they felt bad for me.

In Junior High School, we had these Rosh Chodesh Breakfasts. Every month, they'd choose two girls per grade to speak. How many times was I chosen? Zero.

G.O. President. HA! ME???

Yearbook time! I begged to be English editor. I knew Editor in Chief wasn't happening, but I checked that of on the sheet they used to ask what we wanted to do. So I chose English Editor as second choice. What job did I get? The most brainless one of all. Ads. I collected money for the ads. My parents tried to be nice and tell me it meant I was good in math. Riiiight.

High school came. After the whole ordeal it took for me to get my tuchus back into the place, I was ignored yet again.
G.O. President? Nope.
Chesed head? No way Jose (that's a nerdy job anyway)
I was too afraid to try out for the school play, because why deal with rejection if you can avoid it altogether?

Then, they introduced a school newspaper! Yay!!!!!!!!! Who was Editor in Chief? NOT ME.

Next, the yearbook came. Who were the editors in chief? Oh, those poor same old girls who had already been G.O. President, one was head of dance, and both had been slated to be Valedictorian. Nebuch. Can't catch a break.
Don't get me wrong. I love those kids. They're the reason I got the job of English editor.


At 12/23/2004 10:40 AM, Blogger The Perfect Ema said...

Michelle, you are singing my song, and playing my tune!!! I know exactly only too well what you are saying. Fortunately, I am a number of years past high school and have made myself to become a pretty good person, but every so often in those rare moments i will think back on the past. Ironically, I am pretty religious now (gonna get rid of this Internet thing, one of these days....just need it for our phone line), will be sending my son to a real cheder, probably am one of the most yeshivish kids in my class now...(even though was always one of the more modern ones in my out of town Bais Yaakov). Anyway, i digress....wish i could do a t.v. show to say "ha ha, teacher who thought i was so modern, etc."

But, i so know what you are talking about. I never really wanted to do much, but i did want a good part in the ninth grade...the director kept saying how great of an actress i was, etc etc...but guess what? I didn't even really get a part in the end!! She thought i was one of the best actresses, but because she wasn't afraid of my mother calling up and complaining, or her losing a friend, etc...all the important people definitely got parts. I would cry every night because i am a pretty good actress, and even if i didn't have the main part, or not such a main part, at least give me a part!!! I literally had like five words in the play. All my peers thought i should be a big actress, etc, but because my parents weren't her friends or part of the "in group." so i didn't get a part. I used to cry nightly because i would get sick watching the people on stage who just couldn't act!!! it was like she was teaching them to act, and i would just sit and cry, thinking, why don't u let ME teach them to act? Give me the part!! I had so much been looking forward to at least getting a "small part." I didn't need a big one, just wanted to let my voice be heard. B'h, my voice was heard when i was on the debating team, as that anyone who wanted to be on it got a part. Ironically, when i was in grad school, we had a debate, and i totally floored the other students with my abiliites, i lamely said "well, i had been on a debating team in high school."
Anyway, i digress, the point being, you know what my mother said to me, "Well, maybe they didn't give you a good part because of your grades." Gosh, darn it, boy, did all those things add up to DEPRESSION!!! As if i wasn't depressed enough!!
I just wish i would have taken my sister's advice and dropped out of the play...would have showed them!!

I hate thinking about my life before i found my true self. It's like if you're not smart then you're nothing. The problem with me is that i am smart, i just thought i wasn't so i didn't try at all.

Hope i didn't ramble too much, Michelle. As for touro, i used to agree with you, but now four years living in Israel, my perspectives on life have changed....

At 12/23/2004 11:42 AM, Blogger Gary Student said...

You've got to have two things in your favor to succeed in these types of schools:

(a) swagger - that gives the higher-ups a clue that you're with it enough to do a good job. It's slightly unfair, because some people are the quiet genius types, but they have to see that you're good, and

(b) money - the big shots are usually on the board, which means the parents control the principal, so to speak, so the teachers must satisfy the filthy rich folks. Unfair? Sure, but that's the reality.

So the lesson is - be rich, and walk around with a hot-s attitude.

At 12/24/2004 4:00 AM, Blogger G Green said...

Hey Gary, thought something had happened to you, why did u stop blogging? Your posts were/are still really thought provoking. No one is "chalk this up as a victory," as you said " the truth always stands. If not, remember that olam hazeh is an upside down world." Too true.

At 12/24/2004 6:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gary Student here:

I stopped because I am writing a book based on my posts. This way I could make money off of it.

At 12/26/2004 9:01 PM, Blogger Cholent said...

That's what happens in these big humongo schools. You get lost, even if you are capable of doing the job. I'm in a small school, where everyone's talents are recognized and utilized. Yup, that's the way it should be. So I can't really say I know the feeling. BUt at least you finally got chosen for something! :D

At 12/27/2004 5:27 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

I should have made it clear that there were 40 girls in my grade, and I was the first graduating class. That means that when I arrived in 10th grade, there was a total of approx 85 girls in the entire school. When I graduated, there were less than 170 students. So they had plenty of opportunities to choose me, but I think they are learning slowly. At a friend's wedding recently, they blew me my own kiss :-)

At 12/27/2004 10:52 PM, Blogger Cholent said...

If you were responding to my comment, the numbers you mention are not what I meant by small. I'm not saying they were justified in not choosing you. But if you say they had the chance to choose you, but didn't what are you implying? They were out to get you?

At 12/28/2004 11:49 AM, Blogger The Perfect Ema said...

I was thinking about this post while lying in bed this morning (with my 3 year old son sleeping on top of me so couldn't get out of bed :-)...anyway, i was thinking how what happens in high school is just so not important in the long run. Yes, right now, it seems so recent to you, but in the long run of life it means nothing. G.O. Convention head and editor of yearbook not married. The most popular, valedictorian not married. The one who had it all--dance head, top in grades, lead part in school play, etc, still not married. Another one who everyone thought she had it all now has two kids with degenerative diseases and living a life of hell.
In my father's yearbook, there was one woman who has THE longest list of achievements (no exaggeration!). My father said she was also considered the prettiest girl, well, guess what? She never got married.
But i have friends who were the bottom of the class, had just a few friends, etc, now are probably the best mothers. Not to say can't be miss perfect in high school and still end up with a happy family life, and vice a versa, just saying, sometimes it seems like some people have it all, when in reality, it just ain't so....make yourself someone special NOW!! DH done with his class, students are leaving the house, gonna go now...

At 12/28/2004 1:18 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Cholent: I don't think they were necesarily out to get me, but I remember them telling me that they looked at me more strictly than other students because of the school I chose to attend in ninth grade. I think they were just scared that my standards are different than theirs. They like to have that "Bais Yaakov" type of girl representing them. That's why all the G.O. presidents were the yeshivish type who only watch Disney movies. I'm also only outgoing in certain settings. I would be embarrassed to get up and sing in front of my school, (only if the songs were those nerdy ones the G.O. make up) and I am not the type to be that typical leibidik color war captain with all the cheering and that kinda stuff.
As for Pefect Ema: I've heard things like that before. The way it is in my grade, I keep a tally. My group (the down-to-earth, low-maintenance girls) is losing 5-3. I'm kinda kidding, but most of the girls that people predicted would be married right away are. But I wish everyone the best. Nobody deserves to live miserably.

At 12/14/2005 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To quote someone I know, "Story of my life, babe!"


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