Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Thoughts On NASI

N.A.S.I. -- It stands for North American Shidduch Initiative.


For those not familiar, let me attempt to explain the concept. According to them, the Shidduch Crisis is caused by the large age gap between husbands and wives.


With the population increasing, Baruch Hashem, about 4% each year, there are more 18-year-old girls than they are 23-year-old girls. Aaaand, thus more 18-year old girls than there are 23-year-old guys.


So if the logic that there's an even number of guys and girls of each age holds water, then, yes, bridging the age gap would pair up more couples close in age, thereby having more people available to others.


Part of their campaign, besides for paying shadchanim whose successful matches involve couples close in age, is to get the word out there, the awareness out there, that it's OKAY to date someone close in age to you.


The incentive offered to shadchanim to paired couples in which the girl is older than the guy is approximately $2,000.(I believe that due the economic downturn they changed it to $1,300.)


Through this initiative, boys' mothers have been less reluctant to allow their sons to date young women closer in age to them.


After Googling the Shidduch Initiative, I found this on matzav.com, and copied and pasted the portion I found relevant in explaining the numerical disparity.


"Note that if boys age 22 want to marry girls who are 20-years-old, there will 5000 boys searching for a shidduch from a pool of 5200 girls. This means that 200 girls will be left without a shidduch, and all 5200 girls age 20 will be going through a crisis, since all 5200 are “competing” for the same 5000 boys. This is besides the renewed agony of the 22-year-old girls who are the “leftovers” of the past two years, and are now being rejected by the 22-year-old boys. This scenario will be multiplied yearly as boys search in a larger pool and reject those in their own age group.
"Now comes the conclusion you can draw from all of this: If boys would marry girls their own age, there would be no disparity at all – you’d have e.g. 5100 boys age 21 for 5100 girls age 21, etc."


Their idea is not a bad one.

They have good intentions. However, I have two complaints:

1- How many 19-year-old guys have you met that are ready to get married? By the time the girls hit 19, panic has set in. But dating 19-year-old guys makes no sense.

Even at the ripe old age of 22, the same-age guys I went out with felt like I was dating my little brother. They admitted that they felt they wanted to be kids forever. Yes, there are some mature 22-year-old guys, but the majority are not ready to get married.

Now that I'm 23, I think there'd be less of a maturity difference with guys my age. But these girls would rather have 4 root canal than turn 23 and still be single.

2- The economic crisis has hit a large percentage of Americans...that includes Jews.
When large corporations such as CitiGroup, Merrill Lynch, and others lay off workers, many are bound to be frum Jews. We know that the cost of living, especially in New York, even without luxuries, is extremely high.

I have a certain amount of Ma'aser money that I can give, and some discretionary spending as well to contribute. If I have a choice, I am giving organizations that help people feed their families. Families who never had to ask for anything in their lives are now in awful situations, and whatever limited funds are available from any donors should certainly go there.
Big donors are no longer "big donors" and give whatever they can.
Granted, there are other worthy causes: RCCS, Bonei Olam, etc.

So why in these economic times would I pay off a shadchan because she managed to beg some 24-year-old guy to give a girl his age a chance?!! He should have had that common sense to begin with.

Some might argue that these shadchanim could probably use the extra funds. That's true. But I prefer to give it to organizations that help people put food on the table, and other things.

24 Comments:

At 12/09/2008 8:52 AM, Anonymous sil said...

You needed to cut and paste an explanation from a website? My dry-erase board demonstration from last year wasn't clear enough for you to write it in your own words?

Thanks for the new post, btw.

 
At 12/09/2008 11:26 AM, Blogger G said...

So if the logic that there's an even number of guys and girls of each age holds water, then, yes, bridging the age gap would pair up more couples close in age, thereby having more people available to others.


--right, so why do people make this so complicated...if girls would start dating LATER (like around the same age that guys start) much of this would work itself out.

 
At 12/09/2008 3:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent post. I couldn't agree more about using our tzedaka money for the really needy. Plus, it disturbs me that people have turned singles into just another "cause": tzedaka for the hungry, the sick, the singles. *Sigh*

Also, definitely agree about dating younger guys. Who says we single girls WANT to date guys who are so young?!

 
At 12/09/2008 7:13 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

sil- maybe with ur mac u can make a chart for me and post it here. ;)

G and Anon -- make sense. But name me one girl, especially since panic sets in at 19, who is willing to follow the logic all the way through and wait to 22 to begin dating?!?!

So, while i find that a sound solution, it is impossible to enforce. Beyond impossible. It would be Hell-freezing-over-impossible to convince 99% of girls (and their mothers) to begin dating later.

 
At 12/09/2008 7:44 PM, Blogger Kaila said...

michelle,

panic does not set in at 19 for every unmarried girl. yikes.

here's how we'll solve the shidduch "crisis." we need to learn to calm down, get the parents less involved, be willing to stand up for ourselves and say "i will not date someone who's mother asks inappropriate questions before even meeting me," lighten up about age differences, be willing to see a guy working to support a family as living b'derech hatorah, allow ourselves as women to look forward to being a mother and wife rather than breadwinner if we want to, be ourselves, and try to realize that there's more to life than dating.

oh, and we have to realize that dating rules, whatever they may be, are not always meant to be followed. dump some shadchanim, meet guys in a college/work setting, and stop turning potential marital bliss into a mathematical equation. i don't like the idea of monetary rewards for the shadchan from anyone other than the couple or the couple's family. we need to stop the "nebach" mentality. how many people have a hard time getting married because they seem too desperate? people need to live their own lives.

 
At 12/10/2008 12:01 AM, Blogger nmf #7 said...

Kaila- I'm assuming that all those who read this blog are knowledgeable, heads-on-straight type of people- they know those things already! (And since when is a working guy 'not living b'derech haTorah?')
All those girls, and boys, and families who think this way are still not getting suggested to each other.

 
At 12/10/2008 6:16 AM, Blogger Kaila said...

nmf#7-

you know how many people who are knowledgeable, heads-on-straight type of people are stuck in a crazy shidduch system because they can't "go against the norm?" when i hear all these dating horror stories i think "why didn't you just say NO?" people think they won't be set up if they speak their minds.

 
At 12/10/2008 6:45 AM, Anonymous Jessica said...

this solves some issues, but ends up causing others. It's a nice idea, but there's no quick fix to getting people married.

 
At 12/10/2008 8:28 AM, Blogger SemGirl said...

I agree with you totally. However, like everything else in life, there are two sides.

People, especially close-minded zenophobic, ethnocentric, frum Jews from Brooklyn, give to causes that affect them. A family, whose has suffered with very sick children or has friends who have will give to Chai Lifeline, someone touched by infertility problems will help Bonei Olam, if you have non-frum relatives, you will support Kiruv organizations, etc... Likewise, a famiy that has always been blessed with abundant parnosa, and doesnt know what it means to go hungry, but has older daughters or sisters, that horror or horrors (gasp!!) is still single, a fate worse then death, will contribute generously to this..

Also, Im sure your aware that many of the girls make their owm 'crisis', because they only want a 'learning' boy, the same way, that many pay outrageous sums for inferior poor quality clothing, with a designer's label on it..

I know many 26 year old 'girls' (?), that would rather be on a long list waiting for some loser in Yeshiva, rather then go out with a very sweet, menslic working boy..

 
At 12/10/2008 12:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't get this whole "going against the norm" bit. I and my husband both come from extremely traditional (read shadchanim, not taking meetings into one's own hands, etc.) communities, and I got married two weeks short of my 23rd birthday, and he was merely a few months older. It worked out quite well, to the point that now his friends are all getting married to girls my younger sister's age, and I feel like they're cradle robbers! Anyway, I was never stressed out before I met him, and if I hadn't met him, I wouldn't have worried about going anywhere....or not. Same with my sister, who got married at 26. No issues on either side, very "good" families, etc. It is upon each person (okay, okay, also parents) to stay chilled regardless of what is going on around him/her. Who cares what other people are doing? One of the most pathetic reasons to get married or have babies is because everyone else is doing it. That was never the intention behind these acts, and if a person can't come up with a better reason, then maybe s/he *should* wait a bit longer.

 
At 12/10/2008 2:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why are guys expected to get married at 23? In my opinion, a guy is not mature enough to marry until he is 27 or so.

Also, why, oh why, is a guy's mother so involved in this? If he's ready to get married, he really should be grown enough to take this into his own hands, & not have his mother screen girls and say she prefers younger ones for him.

One last thing: it seems that people look to get married so young, before 20, because of the strict shomer rules. Is this true? Because a 19 y/o girl feeling panicky is pretty ridiculous, she's still a child.

 
At 12/13/2008 7:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michelle-one point. Let's keep in mind that shidduch initiatives are working to ensure the continuity of klal yisroel just as are the organizations to feed the hungry etc. It may be a little higher up on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but let's not minimize it.

 
At 12/16/2008 10:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow.

That's all I can say.

 
At 12/16/2008 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I happen to think it is crazy when i hear about a 19 year old girl marrying a 28 year old guy because think of how many older girls could have gone out with that guy. I think that not necessarily do guys need to start dating at 19 but i think that the 19 year old girls should be looking at guys closer to their age- 22, 23 even 21. On the other hand, do we believe in beshert? If we do than maybe the 19 year old girl's beshert was the 28 year old guy and therefore not allowing them to date would keep each one from the one they are meant to be with.
I also dont think its crazy for a shaddchan to get money from outside sources if they make a shidduch close in age or where the girl is older because think of how hard she probably has to work to convince the mothers!

 
At 12/16/2008 7:59 PM, Blogger Kaila said...

last anon--

some 19 year olds want to date more mature guys because they themselves are more mature. and many of those 28 yr old guys have dated girls closer to their age with no positive result. there's nothing wrong with a couple having a significant age difference if they're compatible.

 
At 12/18/2008 6:25 PM, Anonymous megapixel said...

what about LOVE?

 
At 12/20/2008 6:22 PM, Blogger Kaila said...

what about love? you're not dating a guy cause you're in love with him. love happens after dating has started already. we're talking about the setting up process, aren't we?

 
At 12/25/2008 7:09 PM, Anonymous megapixel said...

kaila, i know. but what if you the guys you get set up with are not the guys that are bashert/the one you will love. cuz you are only getting set up with 22 year olds and your bashert is 25?

 
At 12/28/2008 1:46 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

ahhh- megapixel- still haven't figured out why I didn't think of the whole bashert argument. It's very valid.

 
At 1/09/2009 10:19 AM, Blogger smoo said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 1/09/2009 10:39 AM, Blogger smoo said...

I think this concept is WAY OFF. The shidduch crisis is primarily a result of the lack of understanding between genders. It is fostered by segregation of the sexes such that the social skills necessary to relate and understand of the thought processes of the other are stunted.

It also stems from the unrealistic expectation that society and individuals place upon themselves and their mate whether it be financial success, body type, style of dress or level of religious observance.

You must look for the inner fine character and be wary of the external trappings. He may treat you nice;y on a dat but look how he treats the parking attendant or the waiter. Observation is key to finding out what you need to know. So is good communication. Without it you will never truly be able to relate to you partner.

People need to learn how to relate, how to listen, how to consider others needs without hurting their own. Couples should have Mutual interests, common goals, similar religious level, the commitment to work hard, and most importantly mutual respect. Without respect disaster looms. It's ok to disagree, argue your point of view but it's not ok to yell, act passive aggressively (and certainly not aggressively). You should never give up who you are but rather be accepted and be accepting of the other. You need to be a team and not selfish or childish. If college could require courses in gender understanding and relationships (and tax preparation, how to change your oil, simple home repairs), people would have a better shot at finding true happiness and managing a functional home life.

The problem, even with the concept of "shidduch crisis," is the incorrect assumption that marriage is the GOAL. Marriage is only a means to develop and grow spiritually and physically with your soul-mate. It is but an indication of commitment to make this journey together. But when marriage is THE GOAL, people lose sight of what marriage is all about and meant to be. Marriage should be a journey of sharing & growth. Instead of getting all depressed (which is a turn off by the way) about not being married, be determined to keep seeking out your complement. Good luck to us all.

For all the comments about interfering family, friends etc.: I firmly believe that a person should listen to any and all advice and information and then use all the facts to make a rational decision.

see some of my post at http://shmuzings.blogspot.com/search?q=goals (skip the one called triumph of life)

 
At 11/04/2011 2:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Esteemed NASI INIATERS,
In all sympathy, I regret to inform you that, due to the current shidduch crisis, and being that it is a, "Boys' Market," the $10,000 fee that we initially agreed upon to find a suitable match for your daughter, is insufficient at this time.
However, I will continue to be offering my services at a slightly more reasonable fee. Please do not take the additional fee as a personal insult to your daughter or your esteemed family, but rather as an affirmation of our recognition of the great value you place on finding a proper boy for your daughter, which I would like to take the opportunity right now to commend you for. As such, the current rate would total $15,000, however, since your daughter has aged a few months since we last negotiated, I have to charge $18,000 (Cash Preferred.)
I am certain you would not view the fee as an expense, but rather as a true and worthwhile investment. As a Yiddishe Tatte, this is an opportunity you cannot let your daughter miss out on... Are you going to let your daughter settle for a plain old regular Am Ha’aretz who only goes to a Shiur at night? As you well know, a good boy, who has enough emuna and bitachon in the Eibishter so he does not feel the need to go out into the shmutzidike workforce is hard to come by. Baruch Hashem, there are many, many young couples that are able to accomplish an arrangement where-in they move in with their in-laws’ or neighbors’ apartments when the landlord gets particularly fussy about a few months’ rent. I personally know of a couple with an arrangement that precluded the husband from having to lift a finger, baruch Hashem. His Eishes Chayil does all the Medicaid and government benefit paperwork, etc.

ATTENTION MOTHER FUCKERS AT NASI AND ALL THE "RABBIS" WHOM ACCORDING TO A RECENT PUBLICATION ARE BACKING THIS “INITIATIVE” BUT DO NOT WANT THEIR NAMES LISTED (unless this whole thing is a sick joke;):
WHAT THE FUCK?????????@@#$((($******
WHAT THE FUCK CAN A JEWISH GIRL DO WITH HERSELF IN THE FACE OF SUCH FUCKING DISRESPECT BESIDES EXPRESS OUTRAGE IN THE MOST UNCONVENTIONAL WAY POSSIBLE. YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY HARD FOR JEWISH GIRL TO REMAIN JEWISH, YOU REALIZE.
WHAT DO WE TELL ADOLESCENT GIRLS ABOUT BOYS THAT HANG OUT, WANT TO FLIRT, WANT TO TOUCH THEM…
“WE UNDERSTAND THEY MAKE YOU FEEL SPECIAL AND DESIRABLE, BUT IT’S NOT REAL, ETC…THEY DON’T RESPECT YOU; THEY JUST WANT TO SEE HOW FAR THEY CAN GET; THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU; YOU SHOULD RATHER MARRY A FRUM BEN TORAH WITH YIRAS SHAMAYIM…WHO REALLY RESPECTS YOU; THE FRUM COMMUNITY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR NESHAMA. ”
“THEY MIGHT SAY:
“I DON’T WANT TO FUCK YOU; I LOVE YOU; I’M GONNA MARRY YOU…… EVENTUALLY.”
OR, “I’M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU---I’M NOT READY TO GET MARRIED; IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT I’LL FIND ANOTHER GIRL.”
WHAT THEY MEAN: GIMME GIMME GIMME WHATEVER I CAN GET WITHOUT HAVING TO GIVE.”
THEY MIGHT SAY:
“IT’S A SHIDDUCH INITIATIVE; WE CARE ABOUT YOU; WE WANT TO HELP YOU…”
OR, “I’M A GOOD LEARNER, I CAN DO BETTER THAN A MASTER’S DEGREE. THE SHADCHAN MENTIONED SOMETHING ABOUT A GIRL WITH A PH.D”
WHAT THEY MEAN: GIMME GIMME GIMME WHATEVER I CAN GET WITHOUT HAVING TO GIVE.
MOST FRUM PEOPLE ARE NOT LIKE THAT BUT FUCKING INITIATIVES LIKE THIS ARE FUCKING INSENSITIVE AND SICK AND FRANKLY I WOULD RATHER HAVE THE 1ST OPTION BECAUSE AT LEAST YOU END UP FEELING LIKE YOU’RE WORTH 2 CENTS INSTEAD OF FEELING LIKE YOU OWE SOMEBODY $10,000 FOR TRYING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. NOBODY HAS TO FUCKING FIND ME A SHIDDUCH AND NO ONE HAS TO FUCKING MARRY ME IF IT’S A FAVOR.
THANKS FOR THE FUCKING INITIATIVE---MOTHER FUCKERS.

 
At 11/04/2011 2:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Esteemed NASI INIATERS,
In all sympathy, I regret to inform you that, due to the current shidduch crisis, and being that it is a, "Boys' Market," the $10,000 fee that we initially agreed upon to find a suitable match for your daughter, is insufficient at this time.
However, I will continue to be offering my services at a slightly more reasonable fee. Please do not take the additional fee as a personal insult to your daughter or your esteemed family, but rather as an affirmation of our recognition of the great value you place on finding a proper boy for your daughter, which I would like to take the opportunity right now to commend you for. As such, the current rate would total $15,000, however, since your daughter has aged a few months since we last negotiated, I have to charge $18,000 (Cash Preferred.)
I am certain you would not view the fee as an expense, but rather as a true and worthwhile investment. As a Yiddishe Tatte, this is an opportunity you cannot let your daughter miss out on... Are you going to let your daughter settle for a plain old regular Am Ha’aretz who only goes to a Shiur at night? As you well know, a good boy, who has enough emuna and bitachon in the Eibishter so he does not feel the need to go out into the shmutzidike workforce is hard to come by. Baruch Hashem, there are many, many young couples that are able to accomplish an arrangement where-in they move in with their in-laws’ or neighbors’ apartments when the landlord gets particularly fussy about a few months’ rent. I personally know of a couple with an arrangement that precluded the husband from having to lift a finger, baruch Hashem. His Eishes Chayil does all the Medicaid and government benefit paperwork, etc.

ATTENTION MOTHER FUCKERS AT NASI AND ALL THE "RABBIS" WHOM ACCORDING TO A RECENT PUBLICATION ARE BACKING THIS “INITIATIVE” BUT DO NOT WANT THEIR NAMES LISTED (unless this whole thing is a sick joke;):
WHAT THE FUCK?????????@@#$((($******
WHAT THE FUCK CAN A JEWISH GIRL DO WITH HERSELF IN THE FACE OF SUCH FUCKING DISRESPECT BESIDES EXPRESS OUTRAGE IN THE MOST UNCONVENTIONAL WAY POSSIBLE. YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY HARD FOR JEWISH GIRL TO REMAIN JEWISH, YOU REALIZE.
WHAT DO WE TELL ADOLESCENT GIRLS ABOUT BOYS THAT HANG OUT, WANT TO FLIRT, WANT TO TOUCH THEM…
“WE UNDERSTAND THEY MAKE YOU FEEL SPECIAL AND DESIRABLE, BUT IT’S NOT REAL, ETC…THEY DON’T RESPECT YOU; THEY JUST WANT TO SEE HOW FAR THEY CAN GET; THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU; YOU SHOULD RATHER MARRY A FRUM BEN TORAH WITH YIRAS SHAMAYIM…WHO REALLY RESPECTS YOU; THE FRUM COMMUNITY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR NESHAMA. ”
“THEY MIGHT SAY:
“I DON’T WANT TO FUCK YOU; I LOVE YOU; I’M GONNA MARRY YOU…… EVENTUALLY.”
OR, “I’M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU---I’M NOT READY TO GET MARRIED; IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT I’LL FIND ANOTHER GIRL.”
WHAT THEY MEAN: GIMME GIMME GIMME WHATEVER I CAN GET WITHOUT HAVING TO GIVE.”
THEY MIGHT SAY:
“IT’S A SHIDDUCH INITIATIVE; WE CARE ABOUT YOU; WE WANT TO HELP YOU…”
OR, “I’M A GOOD LEARNER, I CAN DO BETTER THAN A MASTER’S DEGREE. THE SHADCHAN MENTIONED SOMETHING ABOUT A GIRL WITH A PH.D”
WHAT THEY MEAN: GIMME GIMME GIMME WHATEVER I CAN GET WITHOUT HAVING TO GIVE.
MOST FRUM PEOPLE ARE NOT LIKE THAT BUT FUCKING INITIATIVES LIKE THIS ARE FUCKING INSENSITIVE AND SICK AND FRANKLY I WOULD RATHER HAVE THE 1ST OPTION BECAUSE AT LEAST YOU END UP FEELING LIKE YOU’RE WORTH 2 CENTS INSTEAD OF FEELING LIKE YOU OWE SOMEBODY $10,000 FOR TRYING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. NOBODY HAS TO FUCKING FIND ME A SHIDDUCH AND NO ONE HAS TO FUCKING MARRY ME IF IT’S A FAVOR.
THANKS FOR THE FUCKING INITIATIVE---MOTHER FUCKERS.

 
At 11/04/2011 2:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Esteemed NASI INIATERS,
In all sympathy, I regret to inform you that, due to the current shidduch crisis, and being that it is a, "Boys' Market," the $10,000 fee that we initially agreed upon to find a suitable match for your daughter, is insufficient at this time.
However, I will continue to be offering my services at a slightly more reasonable fee. Please do not take the additional fee as a personal insult to your daughter or your esteemed family, but rather as an affirmation of our recognition of the great value you place on finding a proper boy for your daughter, which I would like to take the opportunity right now to commend you for. As such, the current rate would total $15,000, however, since your daughter has aged a few months since we last negotiated, I have to charge $18,000 (Cash Preferred.)
I am certain you would not view the fee as an expense, but rather as a true and worthwhile investment. As a Yiddishe Tatte, this is an opportunity you cannot let your daughter miss out on... Are you going to let your daughter settle for a plain old regular Am Ha’aretz who only goes to a Shiur at night? As you well know, a good boy, who has enough emuna and bitachon in the Eibishter so he does not feel the need to go out into the shmutzidike workforce is hard to come by. Baruch Hashem, there are many, many young couples that are able to accomplish an arrangement where-in they move in with their in-laws’ or neighbors’ apartments when the landlord gets particularly fussy about a few months’ rent. I personally know of a couple with an arrangement that precluded the husband from having to lift a finger, baruch Hashem. His Eishes Chayil does all the Medicaid and government benefit paperwork, etc.

ATTENTION MOTHER FUCKERS AT NASI AND ALL THE RABBIS WHOM ACCORDING TO A RECENT PUBLICATION ARE BACKING THIS “INITIATIVE” BUT DO NOT WANT THEIR NAMES LISTED (unless this whole thing is a sick joke;):
WHAT THE FUCK?????????@@#$((($******
WHAT THE FUCK CAN A JEWISH GIRL DO WITH HERSELF IN THE FACE OF SUCH FUCKING DISRESPECT BESIDES EXPRESS OUTRAGE IN THE MOST UNCONVENTIONAL WAY POSSIBLE. YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY HARD FOR JEWISH GIRL TO REMAIN JEWISH, YOU REALIZE.
WHAT DO WE TELL ADOLESCENT GIRLS ABOUT BOYS THAT HANG OUT, WANT TO FLIRT, WANT TO TOUCH THEM…
“WE UNDERSTAND THEY MAKE YOU FEEL SPECIAL AND DESIRABLE, BUT IT’S NOT REAL, ETC…THEY DON’T RESPECT YOU; THEY JUST WANT TO SEE HOW FAR THEY CAN GET; THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU; YOU SHOULD RATHER MARRY A FRUM BEN TORAH WITH YIRAS SHAMAYIM…WHO REALLY RESPECTS YOU; THE FRUM COMMUNITY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR NESHAMA. ”
“THEY MIGHT SAY:
“I DON’T WANT TO FUCK YOU; I LOVE YOU; I’M GONNA MARRY YOU…… EVENTUALLY.”
OR, “I’M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU---I’M NOT READY TO GET MARRIED; IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT I’LL FIND ANOTHER GIRL.”
WHAT THEY MEAN: GIMME GIMME GIMME WHATEVER I CAN GET WITHOUT HAVING TO GIVE.”
THEY MIGHT SAY:
“IT’S A SHIDDUCH INITIATIVE; WE CARE ABOUT YOU; WE WANT TO HELP YOU…”
OR, “I’M A GOOD LEARNER, I CAN DO BETTER THAN A MASTER’S DEGREE. THE SHADCHAN MENTIONED SOMETHING ABOUT A GIRL WITH A PH.D”
WHAT THEY MEAN: GIMME GIMME GIMME WHATEVER I CAN GET WITHOUT HAVING TO GIVE.
MOST FRUM PEOPLE ARE NOT LIKE THAT BUT FUCKING INITIATIVES LIKE THIS ARE FUCKING INSENSITIVE AND SICK AND FRANKLY I WOULD RATHER HAVE THE 1ST OPTION BECAUSE AT LEAST YOU END UP FEELING LIKE YOU’RE WORTH 2 CENTS INSTEAD OF FEELING LIKE YOU OWE SOMEBODY $10,000 FOR TRYING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. NOBODY HAS TO FUCKING FIND ME A SHIDDUCH AND NO ONE HAS TO FUCKING MARRY ME IF IT’S A FAVOR.
THANKS FOR THE FUCKING INITIATIVE---MOTHER FUCKERS.

 

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