Sunday, November 16, 2008

Personal Proposals?

I recently asked my NEF, as BadForShidduchim would say, (Newly Engaged Friend) how her chosson proposed.

To me, that was always one of the standard questions. "What's his name, where's he from, where will you live, how did he propose?"

Trust me, I don't ask that to many people. Only the ones I care about (or was curious what kind of spouse they'd end up with).

"Ummm, that's personal," my friend replied. "It is?" I asked.

I thought back to my cousins, and even some of our mutual friends, I knew many proposal stories. I always considered the marriage proposal one of those cute stories to share, and a bunch of people volunteered the story whether I wanted to hear it or not.

One friend's husband proposed to her in a menu at a restaurant they frequented. He taped a piece of paper on the inside that asked the Big Question. So at the vort, it was passed around.

Another printed out his best version of a bill from the restaurant that they were going to, and wrote their names in the lines where the waiter would write their orders...and at the bottom asked, "Will You Marry Me?"

My cousin rented a horse and chariot to propose. Someone else surprised his kallah with a limo ride, replete with champagne and a large bouquet of flowers.

So to me, proposals aren't that personal. Some guys get thoughtful and creative, while others get a little carried away, and go overboard.

So, I open the floor again, Do you think proposals are personal? If not, how were you proposed to/did you propose? and/or what would your ideal proposal include?


At 11/16/2008 5:00 PM, Anonymous Jessica said...

Maybe she was embarrassed because his proposal sucked.
Him: "So, uh... ya wanna get married?"
Her: "Oh. Yeah. Sure."
Him: "Cool."

At 11/16/2008 5:57 PM, Blogger Kaila said...

some people just consider these things private. i did, but everyone knew where we were going on that date, so it was pretty common knowledge. we got annoyed when people made reference to his proposal in engagement cards. they were incredibly silly. we considered the actual engagement to be between the two of us, and preferred to keep it that way. it is only a matter of taste.

At 11/16/2008 7:34 PM, Blogger EsPes said...

ditto to what jessica said!
but ive also heard ppl say its "personal"... i didnt get why but wtvr.

At 11/17/2008 2:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm...according to what I see on OnlySimchas, proposals aren't that personal. It is not as if you asked what they said to each other, but rather the situation. Weird.

At 11/17/2008 7:12 PM, Blogger Kaila said...

i'd like to point out that some people (such as myself) do not believe in posting on onlysimchas. some people are just more private.

At 11/18/2008 7:40 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Anon -- yeah, good point. I don't ask just how he professed his love for you and vice versa. I ask, like you said, for the "situation."

Also, Kaila- OnlySimchas is not voluntary. People put you up there...what should I do, tell each person, "I am engaged, but DON'T PUT IT UP!" -- then they'll take it as "I don't want a party..."

Also, as far my own experience goes, only the person who posted the simcha can put up pics. (I've done it for a few of my friends, upon request, of course)So again, if I'm not mistaken, OnlySimchas is not voluntary.

At 11/19/2008 12:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that it depends on the proposal. Some guys do a really outlandish limo thing and that obviously is public by nature and there's no reason not to share it since everyone saw the limo anyway. However, some people do more personal proposals and I could understand why people would not want to share that information. No grand stretch or skywriter, just a more personal possibly just verbal popping of the question. I fit into the latter group and totally understand why some people don't want to share this info. My husband had made a really sweet (and personal) proposal and there was no reason to share that with anyone (no flashbulbs involved). I should hope you could understand that. It's not like I was going to share word for word what he said or as you stated "how he professsed his love". Since there was no situation to share (limo etc.) what exactly should I have said?

At 11/19/2008 5:07 PM, Blogger Kaila said...


true onlysimchas is not voluntary, BUT anyone who posts you knows you and you CAN force them to take it down. i did that. my boss was disappointed, apparently her daughter had found me listed the night before and my boss wanted to see if pics were up. it had been dutifully taken down by my friend. yes, we are still friends. i really don't like onlysimchas.

At 11/20/2008 7:56 AM, Blogger nmf #7 said...

Originally, I did believe that it wasn't so personal- I didn't mind saying how it happened. But, as I rethought it- I do think it is personal, even with the limo. It's a very special time, not needed to share with everyone.

Or it could just be Jessica's theory that not everyone gets a superfantastic proposal, and therefore, are reluctant to reveal and have the listener start comparing.

At 11/20/2008 7:58 AM, Anonymous Jessica said...

Kaila: "BUT anyone who posts you knows you and you CAN force them to take it down."
I wish that were true, but have you seen all the "(girl's name) & Lucky Chosson"'s on onlysimchas? These girls just happen to hear through the grapevine that a girl they sort of know or once knew got engaged and their the ones putting up the announcements.

At 11/20/2008 11:13 AM, Blogger SemGirl said...

Unfortunately, Only Simchas can used vindictively as well. A friend of mine didn't want to go out with someone.

So as a retaliation prank, he posted her pics and claimed she was engaged. She was mortified. And you can only get it taken down if you know who posted it.

At 11/20/2008 6:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just to reassure all you guys, you can click on the "report abuse" link on Onlysimchas. Every simcha page has it. I've done. More than once actually. You don't even need to know who posted it. Onlysimchas will automatically contact the poster and say that their page was removed for whatever reason. You have the option to check off or type in why you wanted the post removed, but you don't have too. Ironically, the default reason, I think, is "simcha page was created without permission of user." Something like that.

At 11/25/2008 9:24 AM, Anonymous Patricia Batton said...

The non personal ones are pretty ridiculous.

Personal proposals should be personal. Think about it.


Is that not the greatest question you will ever be asked/will ask?

Don't you want it to be personal?

You go girl NEF! You got a good guy I'm glad you grabbed him.

Had my husband flashed WILL YOU MARY ME, PAT? on a billboard in times square that would probably be the last time he saw me.

At 11/27/2008 8:04 AM, Blogger The Babysitter said...

I've never asked my friends how their husbands proposed, cause I hadn't realized so much goes into it, I thought he would just ask if she wants to marry him, and that's it. I thought it was the rare cases where they had a plane type in the sky "will you marry me?" or an ad in the news paper as a proposal.

But they do make interesting stories. Could be he proposed in a person way, that it was an inside joke or something.

At 12/01/2008 11:17 AM, Blogger G said...

Anon 12:50, well said.

At 12/01/2008 11:48 AM, Blogger chanie said...

A friend just got engaged, and when I asked how he proposed, I was told, 'Zeh ishi'. So I asked again, laughing. She repeated, this time in English, that it's personal. Needless to say, I was kind of shocked, since everyone before her had shared this information without any hesitation whatsoever...

At 12/01/2008 3:53 PM, Blogger Miss Teacher said...

I was asked quite simply -

"will you marry me"

It was so simple and so private - no 3rd parties, no outlandish ideas, no showing off that I didn't want to share it with anyone because, well, yeah I guess it felt personal.

At 12/02/2008 6:45 AM, Blogger AidelKnaidel said...

I tell people my proposal story- and I have heard countless others. You don't need to go into exact details...

But I have heard people say its personal. Always thought that was a bit strange. You could alway say, on a boat. Don't need to go into the entire long spiel.

At 12/02/2008 7:48 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Aidel- yeah, that's kinda what I am asking when I ask.
Like, did he take you on a boat? Did you stop for a picnic? Were you in the Brooklyn Marriott Lounge - same place as your first, fourth, and last dates?

Not about how much he cherishes you and all that- that IS personal.

At 12/02/2008 12:51 PM, Blogger The Babysitter said...

I went to a friends vort the other day, and after reading this post I was wondering whether it's a personal question or not. So I decided to ask an engaged friend. She adamantly believed it was a personal question. She said that's the one question she hates and will not answer, she tells people who ask that it's none of their business. She also said she doesn't like when people ask what number the guy was or how many dates they went on. She said the guy happened to be her first, but she felt it was none of anyone's business to know that.

At 12/02/2008 2:21 PM, Blogger Miss Teacher said...

Maybe if you explained that you don't need all the details people would be more open about it.

Personally when ppl asked me - in my mind I saw the whole thing, it was hard for me to separate the personal from the impersonal. Some ppl have an easier time with this or are generally more outgoing.


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