Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Something You Never Outgrow

I recently had the opportunity to attend some weddings with my mother. They used to be my cousisns' weddings, but now that my friends are getting married, my parents know their parents, and thus we end up attending the same wedding.

This time, our tables were right near each other, and I noticed something scary.

The tables of the Kallah's friends were divided as per HS politics. Understandable. Didn't wanna sit with those people anyway. Nothing to do with them. How long can I listen to clothing and shopping talk anyway? So I sat with my budddies, a nice group of girls.

I looked over at my mom's table, and there she was, doing the exact same thing. There were 3 Table __, and she was with her nice friends, while the higher-upps had their own table.

This got me thinking. 3 years out of HS, okay, we're still kids. But women in their 40s and 50s are doing the exact same thing!

You think it'll end there? My grandmother goes to a bungalow colony with other elderly couples. A few summers ago, she brought a woman along with her and my mother to Wal-Mart. She later explained to my mother that this woman was completely ignored by other women. She described the social politics that went on between 70 and 80 year old people!!

But, really, who's the one doing the segregating? IS it the snobs, avoiding the simpletons? Or is the simpletons avoiding the snobs?

12 Comments:

At 7/12/2006 8:56 AM, Blogger Y.Y. said...

FIRST!!!!!!!!
yay

 
At 7/12/2006 8:58 AM, Blogger Y.Y. said...

its simple a person tends to have friends that are somwhat similar to himself

 
At 7/12/2006 10:11 AM, Anonymous Chani said...

I don't think there's anything wrong with prefering to sit with your friends, rather than with people you have nothing do to with.
As for who does the segregrating, that's a hard question. I would say that both groups are equally guilty. It has to start somewhere, though. If someone/people make you feel uncomfortable or undeserving of being included in the category of humans, then yeah, you're going to avoid them. Most of them aren't that bad, though.

 
At 7/12/2006 10:41 AM, Blogger XVI (R) - NY said...

I wish I could say that this is a shocking idea, but pettiness is universal and timeless. People will segregate to thei groups regardless. Maybe its not even pettiness to be honest. Its a similar idea to ghettoization. If someone moves to Brooklyn from... lets say Ukraine, its very likely that they will try to find a house in Brighton. People you know, or have a connection with, will always be better company than people who share no commonalities. As for who is actively doing the segregating? It definately goes both ways...

Example: I spent a few summers in a camp where the staff have a pretty common history. They all come from the same few highschools and the same few yeshivas and seminaries. I, having gone to more UO schools and camps, had very little history with any of these guys and girls and so was naturally excluded. Not in a mean way... they all just knew each other from before and so were automatically gonna spend more time with established friends or people with more similar upbringings. I then made some friends who were "outcasts" much like myself and we spent our free time together as, what could be considered, a clique. I never really assumed it was a clique though until I randomly met a girl from camp during the year who claimed that we never spent any time because I was with my elite group of friends.

The point is that sometimes there are also massive misunderstandings and social etiquette inhibits the communication that allowes them to be rectified. Its not always one groups fault. Maybe it never is. Its just human nature.

 
At 7/12/2006 1:20 PM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

interesting questions.. i agree that no matter how old we are, we still want to socialize with those most similar to us..
i think the difference is that when we were in high school we didnt understand why we couldnt be accepted by others, and so we would get resentful.. and as you get older you realize you LIKe your group and dont want to be part of the others but you can accept and respect eachother..

politics and girly pettyness at 80..thats kinda sad!

 
At 7/12/2006 3:04 PM, Blogger JBL the first said...

Who cares who wants to be on the same table as the snobs. It has always been the case since Braishis. Normal people with normal people who needs the bigshots?

 
At 7/12/2006 4:26 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

What do you mean we have nothing in common? We went to the same school. I mean, sure, I don't talk about clothing and shoes and all shallow crap all day, but we went to the saem school. we can just talk about college, and crap. And, best of all, they'd certainly provide me with some blog fodder!!!!

 
At 7/13/2006 6:29 AM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I hate politics! That kind of politics will never end. Yuck I don't like it one bit. But then again makes sense to want to sit with friends.

 
At 7/14/2006 2:42 PM, Blogger Semgirl said...

I have to agree with your last 2 commenters. You gravitate to you are most comfortable with. Usually very Yeshivishe ladies make very nervous.

 
At 7/19/2006 9:37 PM, Blogger SephardiLady said...

Cliques exist everywhere. I am often at the park with a number of women, yet feel completely alone. And, recently, I have found out I am not the only one who feels this way.

My rule of thumb is that even if you don't have anything to talk about with a person, just put on a warm smile and say a friendly hello or Good Shabbos. Those who respond are worth striking up a conversation with. Those who don't (and there are plenty). . . are probably not friend material.

 
At 8/17/2006 12:36 PM, Anonymous Just one thing... said...

Maybe it is time to get out of NY to places where people are friendlier...

 
At 4/23/2007 5:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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